Monday, August 10, 2009

A Lightbulb (Moment) in the Darkness

Today I finally had to sign a paper withdrawing myself from UT for medical reasons. It was painful to do so. Part of me kept hoping I'd go to the doctor one day and they be it "it's the strangest thing, your kidneys seem to have completely healed! We don't need to do a transplant!" And since I'm being completely unrealistic, I'm gonna throw in that my boobs got magically big and my hair was really thick but not too thick. It was all part of some crazy new medical condition that I have that's actually positive. Oh, and this condition is so crazy and so interesting, I get to go on Oprah and chat it up with her. I'm not a big Oprah fan. There's a lot "rediscovering yourself" and other buzz phrases that just make me uncomfortable. I really just like to see the cool stories she showcases. Like the girl who woke up one morning and her kidney disease was cured. Oh yeah, I forgot, I made that all up.
Anyways, back to what we're actually having to face. With a transplant in the coming weeks (God willing), I will miss the beginning of classes and possibly a nail-biting season opener against Louisiana-Monroe. Follow up appointments will start out probably every week or so and then move to be more spread out as time passes, but I'll still have to be in San Antonio during the week more than I usually would be. Balancing commuting with classes would probably be very stressful. I'm glad I don't even have to think about it.
Oh, also, Swine Flu. That's a reason right there to drop out of school. That's also a reason to demand free shots at Blind Pig even when it's not your birthday. Totally unrelated story. Ask and I will tell you at a later time.
So, I'll be taking a little break this semester. I'll still be attending every football game unless I'm in the hospital and if those aren't on TV, I'll probably bust out AMA. I know where to put my priorities. If anyone has any fun ideas about part time jobs or volunteer work, I'd love to hear your suggestions. I've been wanting to possibly find work or a volunteer position in a doctors office or hospital. So I still might get swine flu. Don't ever count me out when it comes to weird diseases. Not to be negative about all my health problems. Because I really am not. And I know I was sounding anti-Oprah earlier, but she is a smart lady overall. I caught an episode of hers over a month ago and she was sharing her health problems with the world. I learned Oprah was dealing with high blood pressure (high five girlfriend), heart palpitations, and being on heart medication. The word transplant had just been put in the discussion between my doctor and I. I was feeling so angry, I really did hate being me. Why did things on me keep breaking? I'm 21, I'm young, I'm shouldn't need this. I was feeling so sorry for myself. That's when Oprah said this:
"One of the things I had to do was learn to embrace this body that I have and be grateful for what this body has given me... God blessed me with this body. I mean, I could weep right now thinking about the love and appreciation I have for this body. For that, I am truly grateful."
My eyes welt up with tears and in that moment my perspective did a complete 180. I realized my body was not my enemy but a gift that despite being so sick and so weak was still waking up and working for me every day. I felt so overwhelmed with emotion. Then, all the sudden, I felt silly. There I was, 4 pm on a weekday afternoon, crying in my living room in front of Oprah on the tv. That's when I rolled my eyes and thought "Dammit Oprah! You finally got me crying! Are you happy now?!" I had finally had one of those "lightbulb moments" that Oprah always talks about. I'm happy to say she didn't TOTALLY brainwash me at that moment and I've been able to resist buying Surius/XM Radio despite the promise of Gayle King being on Oprah Radio every day. But I DO kept that quote in mind, and I try to be grateful, even when I have to give up the things I love like my tequila, my summer break, and now my most amazing UT. Hook 'Em Horns!

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