In terms of tomorrow, I'm not scared. I'm just really ready to get this over with. I want to get in, get out, and involve as few people as possible. This is nothing against all the wonderful people who love me and have been concerned for me. This has a lot more the do with the fact that the hospital turns me into a mood fourteen year old. All the sudden terms like "no one understands me!" and "why does everything happen to me!?" seem to spew out along with plenty of tears. So you can imagine why in the middle of a meltdown I wouldn't want some well meaning visitor to walk in... AWKWARD! Not to mention I'll have a central line coming out of neck, a little tidbit I learned today.
I'm not totally anti-visitor. But if you get turned away, I apologize in advance. I don't mean to be such a mess!
My biggest fear is disappointment. I'm pinning all my hopes and dreams for the future on this transplant. I worry I'm going to feel better, but not a lot better. But worrying doesn't help anything. So, I'm trying not to do it and just trying to get excited about getting drugs tomorrow.
I'm sure I'll be back texting everyone and back on Facebook in no time. I'll talk to ya'll real soon.
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